here we go again. Enjoy! As always, feedback is most welcome...
title: incomplete 3/4
fandom: star gate: atlantis
mail: rotschopf (at) rotschopf.org
rating: overall NC-17
warnings: angst, romance, sexual situations, some humour, language -
it's a text document, there's tons of it.
disclaimer: still not my pleasure slaves. no harm intended. no profit
made. for entertainment purposes only.
started: May 24th 2005
completed: June 27th 2005
beta: silentauror, frogg and poisondreams, thanks a lot, my lovelies.
feedback: yes, hit me! harder!
archive: TDDM, my lj, skyehawke, poisonsdarkfics, wraithbait, area52 only
spoilers: The Rising, Hide and Seek, 38 Minutes; massive spoilers for
summary: without you, all I'm ever going to be is incomplete.
as always, all my stories can be found at groups.yahoo.com/group/TDDM
A/N: not so much based on the transcript anymore :D
The first thing I notice when the door to my quarters closes behind me
with a soft hiss is my gear placed neatly on the only chair in the
room. I grab the note that lies on top of it and smile. /I'm glad
you're okay. John./
I know it's completely sentimental, but I refold the note carefully,
put it in my drawer along with every other note John has left me, and
flop down on my bed to think about what Beckett has told me.
Apparently, John does care for me. Otherwise, he wouldn't act the way
he does. But on the other hand, I'm unable to understand John in the
slightest. Why would he give me the cold shoulder, only to try and go
back to the way we were before I let him fuck me?
The thought of John in my body brings back the memories with an
unexpected force. I can remember it as if it had happened yesterday.
The way he looked at me when he had come over to my quarters for the
night; the predatory glint in his eyes; the gentleness, verging on
reverence, as he explored every inch of my body.
I moan, rubbing across the head of my prick. I quickly shuck off my
shirt, trousers and briefs, before I lay down again, completely lost
in my fantasy. In my head, it's John who closes his hand around my
dick, caressing it slowly. His other hand cautiously fondles my balls,
rolling them between his fingers.
"You're so beautiful like this, Aiden," he whispers, his hot breath
ghosting over my nipples. I arch into his touch, desperate for him to
touch me elsewhere. "Don't be so impatient. I'm getting there." I can
hear the amusement in his voice as well as his desire, even as his
fingers leave my balls to gently rub across my hole. I sigh in
satisfaction when the first finger breaches me, pushing down on it.
His pace on my cock quickens, and I swear I can *feel* his fingers
inside me, rubbing across my sweet spot. I know I'm moaning wantonly,
but I can't be bothered to keep my voice down; it just feels too good.
I'm almost certain at this point that his tongue is indeed on my
prick, but I know it can't be true. Nevertheless, I stop fondling
myself, giving into the incredible feeling, even though it's only in
my head. He gently sucks on my glans, teasing the slit with just the
right amount of pressure. I buck into his mouth, screaming his name as
I come hard down his throat. I pant for breath, trembling with the
aftershocks of my orgasm. I'm almost tempted to wish for more
concussions if my fantasy is going to be as vivid as this one has just
been. I can still feel his breath on my skin, his scent surrounding me
like a warm blanket.
Then suddenly, I'm cold. His breath is gone, and his scent only a
lingering memory. I sit up in confusion, just as the door to my room
closes. "Holy--" I stare down at myself, noticing that my abdomen is
completely dry. I jump out of my bed and rush to the door, not caring
that I'm naked. I open the door, peering down the corridors. Whoever
had been in my room, catching me jerking off to fantasizing about John
fucking me and giving me a blowjob in the process, is long gone. Who
am I kidding. I know it had been John. No one else knows how to play
my body like that. No one.
I slam my hand against the wall. "Damn it!" I mutter under my breath,
returning to my bed, more confused than ever. What was that all about?
Why would he come to my quarters, suck me off and then vanish again? I
need some answers, and I need them now.
I take a quick shower, trying to control my temper. As wonderful as it
had felt to have him near me again, I'm more than fed up with his
attitude. That's just something you don't do to someone you know who
cares about you.
Just as I pull a shirt over my head, my radio goes off: "Lieutenant,
report to lab two immediately."
I grit my teeth. How can he sound so calm and collected while I'm hard
pressed to not lose my temper? "Yes, sir." I close the connection and
sigh. There's no use in dwelling on it now. But John has to realize
that he will answer to me. Not only for the incredible blowjob, but
for all that has happened in the past two weeks as well.
I don't bother with my gear, since I'm officially off duty, and walk
straight to the lab. John is already there, talking to McKay. He looks
up briefly when I enter the lab, a smile quirking his lips. I just
raise my eyebrow, letting him know exactly what I think of the
situation; I can see it in his eyes that he understands.
"Ah, Ford. Good," McKay says absentmindedly.
"What can I do for you?" I ask neutrally, choosing my next words
purposefully. "Beckett wants me to *relax* and *rest*."
John averts his eyes, a faint blush tinting his skin, but at the
moment, I couldn't have cared less. "We want to capture a Wraith," he
finally says, still not meeting my eyes. "Any ideas, Lieutenant?"
I nod. "I do, but we'll have to go to the armory for that. Meet me
there in ten minutes." Without waiting for a reply, I walk out of the
lab and make my way straight to the armory, focusing my thoughts on
the task ahead and already going through the inventory. Killing a
Wraith is difficult enough; capturing one will be even harder.
I enter the armory, walking over to the shelf, which contains the stun
grenades and tasers. If we want to catch one, we have to get him to
the ground. Tasers are the only possibility I can think of without
doing too much damage to the creature.
I just have loaded the second box with stun grenades on the table when
McKay and John walk in. McKay looks decisively uncomfortable,
massaging his hands. John raises an eyebrow, looking at McKay. "You
"No... I'm part of this team. I'm doing this," he babbles, his eyes
darting around in the room.
I have to suppress a smile, realizing that McKay will be a member in
arms of the team this time. "Yes, you are," John says reassuringly,
but the teasing tone is still audible in his voice. "I just said you
seemed nervous." He looks at me, trying to catch my eye, but I refuse
to budge. This time, we're doing it on my terms.
"Oh, really? I thought you said 'Rodney, you don't have to do this.'."
I frown. Since when are John and McKay on first-name basis?
John nods encouragingly. "Yes, you do."
"Damn right, I'm doing this," McKay replies a bit firmer, still
rubbing his fingers. "Despite the fact the feeling hasn't completely
returned to my extremities."
Before either John or I can say something in return, Teyla enters the
armory hesitantly. "You're late," John comments, looking back at me.
"Sorry," she simply says, looking unsure of how to react to our simple
acceptance of the fact that, though it was her locket giving away our
position, it wasn't her fault.
Our eyes finally meet and I can't help the shiver traveling down my
spine. Thus, I start to explain. "Now, given the Wraiths' regenerative
abilities, killing one requires some amount of effort. Catching one
alive is going to be a whole other deal. For any of these options to
work, your Wraith has to be on the ground."
"The last planet we visited was inaccessible by ship and the ruins
around the Stargate should force the Wraith to come through on foot."
Thank you, McKay, for stating the obvious. "In which case--" I open
the first box with the stun grenades. "--you'll be able to use these."
I take one out, weighing it in my hand. Call me a militarist, but the
only thing that gets me more excited than weapons is John Sheppard.
"This is a stun grenade." I hand it to John, who takes it with a
mixture of interest and awe. "It's filled with a mixture of aluminum
and potassium perchlorate that, when ignited, produces a high-pressure
wave that will overwhelm the intended target with intense light and
sound. If that doesn't get his head ringing... In addition--" I reach
for the taser and take it out of its holster, "--you've got your
taser. With a range of fifteen to twenty feet, it delivers a
high-voltage, low-Ambridge charge that limits the body's electrical
signals, temporarily paralyzing the victim."
John stares at me, his expression one of amazement. "You really do
know your stuff."
"Just as well as you do, Major," I retort coolly, putting the grenade
back into the box. "If that's all, I'd like to go back to bed. I
really feel a bit under the weather." It's a lie, and I'm sure John
knows it, but I can't stand to be around him for one more second
*without* either kissing or punching him.
"Of course, Lieutenant," he agrees immediately. "Get a good night's
rest and meet us in the gate room at oh-nine-hundred hours."
"Yes, sir. Goodnight, sir." I nod to Teyla and McKay before I
practically flee the armory. It's going to be a long night.
John is the only member of our team that's already in the gate room
when I arrive. He starts walking towards me, but Dr. Weir catches him
first, talking to him about the battle strategy. I'm half-surprised
and half-proud that he gives me all the credit for planning the
ambush, and I nod at Dr. Weir. She steps away to head up to control
again as the room fills with people. That doesn't stop John from
stepping up to me. "How do you feel?"
"Better, sir," I reply curtly, trying to keep my emotional distance
for the mission.
"Good." He nods, obviously as uncomfortable with the situation as I
am. "Good." He looks down into my eyes. "Let's hope we can complete
the mission successfully. We need to talk."
"I know. But please, John. Let's not get into this right now. We'll
talk when we're done, alright?" I offer, already feeling myself giving
into him again. I don't know why I do that to myself. I think it was
Moliere, who said that one is easily fooled by that which one loves. I
feel that I know exactly what this man is talking about. I *am* a fool
for making it so easy for him.
He inclines his head in agreement. "Alright. Please don't get yourself
"You too, John. And don't send me away again from potential harm," I
add, not putting it behind him to just do so.
He looks embarrassed. "Right. No sending you away from potential
danger. Got that."
I can't suppress a grin. "Stop it, sir."
"Fine, I'll stop." He turns around to address the assembled soldiers.
"Alright, let's do this. Follow the plan to boot. We can't afford any
mistakes. Let's move out."
The teams line up, John standing right beside me. On his mark, we step
through the gate, immediately getting into position. John places the
locket into the sand, and moves to his hide out together with McKay.
I radio him. "Major, this is Ford." I lean forward so he can see me
from his position.
"What've you got, Lieutenant?"
I look through my binoculars, surveying our surroundings. Then, I spot
them. "We've got company. Four of them." They move through the ruins,
most likely searching for the locket John has placed on the ground.
"Alright, then we go as planned."
"Yes, sir," I confirm, not taking my eyes off the enemies. Three
warriors and one commander; we should be able to do this.
I'm waiting for the first claymore to explode. When it does, my
companion and I throw our stun grenades. I can hear the firing
starting behind us. "This one's ours, boys! Tasers!" John calls. For a
minute, it's almost quiet around us except for some banging noises.
"Self destruct! Take cover!" John screams, and I lean out of my hiding
place, staying crouched. I can see John and McKay throwing themselves
down, just as the Wraith on the ground explodes.
"Major!" I shout, waiting impatiently for the fog of the detonation to
clear. When he doesn't answer me, I feel panic slowly creeping into my
mind. "Dr McKay?" I breathe a sigh of relief when they get up slowly,
checking that they're both okay. John picks up a Wraith stunner and
walks into the direction of the banging noises. It suddenly stops.
Both my companion and I stand up, just in time to see John taking down
the commander. He prevents him from activating the self-destruct
mechanism and fires a second blast at the Wraith to incapacitate him
"Alright, boys. Let's move back to base before our *guest* wakes up
again," he orders, watching with satisfaction as four marines shackle
the Wraith and haul him up. Our eyes meet and he walks towards me.
"I am. What about you?" I reply, stepping closer to him.
"Better, now that the mission is accomplished. Let's get back and see
if we can get our friend to talk."
McKay joins us, dusting himself off and reaching for a chocolate bar.
"He will talk, eventually. Hunger can be very persuasive, and I doubt
that we can meet his dietary requirements."
John and I look at each other before we start to laugh. Dietary
It's already late when I finally get my act together and knock on
John's door; the invitation to enter comes immediately. He looks up
from his book. "I didn't think you'd come after all," he says, putting
the thick volume aside.
The door closes behind me, and I shiver; we're alone. "I said I would,
didn't I?" He nods. "So, let's talk."
He stands up, looking unsure of how to start a conversation neither of
us wants to have, but we both know we need. "What do you want to talk
I snort. "Why don't we start with your explanation why you decided to
go and leave me that morning, without explanation and hurting me
*intentionally* in the process? Still hurting me, for that matter."
He averts his eyes. "Don't tell me you still haven't gotten over that
stupid crush," he murmurs, but still loud enough for me to hear.
I stare at him in disbelief, trying to stop the new wave of anger
that's flooding me. "Stupid crush?" I hiss. "Stupid crush?! It wasn't
me who sneaked into my quarters while I was *wanking*, deciding to
give me a blowjob and not having the guts to *stay* afterwards. That
was you," I snap, glowering at him.
He returns my glare evenly, until he throws his hands up. "Fine! Fine,
I admit it! There, happy now?"
"No. I still don't understand why you did what you did. I thought we
had something special, John. Why did you leave?"
He looks at me intently, studying me for a moment. "Because I thought
I was protecting you. Still protecting you," he finally says, his
voice quavering slightly.
I frown. "From what?"
"From me! Don't you see it, Aiden? Your whole career can be shot to
hell and back if anyone finds out you're sleeping with your commanding
officer! I don't give a fuck about my record. My career is done and
over with. But you, Aiden..." He shakes his head. "I couldn't let that
happen. I had to make a clear statement. I knew I wouldn't be able to
keep my fingers off you. Still can't," he adds softly, and for a
moment, my temper is placated. "I didn't want you to risk your career
over a fling."
I take a sharp breath. "To me, John, it was more than a fling. It was
love. I don't bottom for anyone, and certainly not for casual fucks.
But obviously, that's all I am to you. Another fuck you can toss aside
when you get bored!"
I don't even have time to blink before I find myself back against the
wall, John's angry face mere inches from mine. "Never, ever doubt that
I'm in love with you, Aiden," he hisses before he covers my mouth with
his, pressing his tongue between my lips; I don't even think of
resisting him. Before I can return the kiss, he backs away from me,
threading his fingers through his hair. "See what I mean?"
"Why did you stop?" I ask blankly, still dazed from the kiss.
"I don't believe this." He glares at me. "Do you want to get
court-martialed? Do you want to risk your career over someone like
*me*? Do you?"
"That's not the point!" I shout. "You should've come to me. *Talked*
to me. Instead, you *patronized* me, treated me like a damn kid! I
might act like one sometimes - I'm not denying that. But telling you
what, John, I'm a *big* boy. I can take care of myself. But if you
need a lame excuse like that to justify your actions, then we're done
talking. You're just not worth it."
Without another word, I turn and leave, ignoring him calling my name
and his pleas for me to come back. I just can't take it anymore. I had
expected many things before I went to John's quarters, but him more or
less trying to talk himself out of it by invoking the regulations
hadn't been on that list.
I walk out into the clear night, taking a deep breath. Every little
ounce of hope I still had is gone. John and I are never going to be
together again, and right now, I don't think I want us to be. I don't
need anyone in my life, who is afraid to take some risks for a serious
relationship and going to freak eventually. Granted, he's got a point.
My career would be shot to hell. But that doesn't give him the right
to take the decision out of my hands. I can take care of myself. At
this point, I don't even know what angers me more. The fact that he
just left and didn't talk to me, or that he's right.
I smash my hands against the rail, trying to at least vent some of my
anger before I'm going back inside. "Damn it!"
"Lieutenant?" I jump and whirl around. "Is everything alright?"
I feel my face heating up. "Dr. Weir... I didn't hear you coming."
"I noticed." She stands beside me, looking at me intently. "Are you
sure you're alright?"
No. "I'm fine. Just-- frustrated."
"I hope it's nothing personal." I know exactly what she's driving at.
The tension between John and me has been palpable over the past two weeks.
"No, nothing personal. Well, not in that sense," I add, a thought
coming to my mind.
Her expression changes from concern to intrigue. "What exactly do you
I hesitate, my thoughts falling over themselves in my head. If I
choose my words carefully, this could be my chance to take away John's
lame excuse without giving away what kind of relationship we have
shared. "I was just thinking," I start, looking back across the ocean.
"There's a good chance that we're never going to return home."
"I don't believe that," she says immediately.
"I know. But the chances are still there, right?" She nods, motioning
for me to continue. "So what if-- what if we really won't return home?
We'll be here for the rest of our lives. Alone."
Her face softens. "Did you have a girlfriend back home?"
"No." Or a boyfriend, for that matter. "And with the regulations in
place, I most likely won't find a partner here either."
"It's forbidden to fraternize with fellow soldiers who outrank you. Or
the other way around. Which limits the choice of partners
considerably." I take a deep breath. "And that's what's frustrating me."
"Are you attracted to someone, who outranks you?" she asks bluntly,
and I'm really glad for the cover of night and my dark skin because my
blush would have given me away instantly.
"No," and it's not even a blatant lie. I'm not attracted to John. What
I feel for him goes way beyond attraction. "Where I come from, you
think twice before you get involved with a fellow soldier because you
don't want to get court-martialed."
She looks at me for a long time, then nods. "Good point, Lieutenant. I
will think about it."
"Thank you, ma'am."
"Not a problem at all. Good night, Lieutenant."
"Good night, Dr. Weir." I watch as she disappears into the half-gloom
of the city, knowing that I have at least her on my side. I grin,
already pondering about how John might react shall Dr. Weir indeed set
some wheels in motion. Of one thing, I'm quite sure: He's not going to
be pleased at all.
Coming up in Chapter 4:
"If that's your idea of getting back at me, then you can congratulate
yourself, Lieutenant! You managed to piss me off like nothing else!"
Take care & happy reading!
luv & hugs